Four Words To Change Your Life

I wanted to start a blog to talk about life... And illness is a major part of my life. It's depressing. I imagine that I am not the only person who lives with illness day to day. Maybe it's not you, but someone you love: a friend, family member, or pet. Regardless of the who, being a 20-something and dealing with a major illness is no fun at all.

In February 2009 my then-boyfriend-now-fiancé had to quit his job because of a mix of flu-like symptoms and an inability to walk. We thought it was a complete asshole of a flu, but when he was unable to walk even when he felt better, doctors at the hospital shrugged and said, "Maybe it's blood clots. In both legs. At the same time. Which is extremely rare." I am not paraphrasing. Okay, maybe a little. The point is that they had him stand in the waiting room for six hours, leaning on me, squeezed his calves and sent him home.

He felt better a few months later, and even packed away the cane we had to buy.

In May 2010 his vision started to go. Blurred edges, loss of colour, and extreme sensitivity to sunlight were the hallmarks. His optometrist took a look and knew he was in over his head, referring Myke to an opthalmologist. The man scheduled two diagnostic appointments, and referred him for an MRI, stating, "This is rare, but a common indicator of a major illness."

The MRI results and Myke were sent to the local neurologist, who took a look at them, and uttered four words that changed our lives.

I think shocked is a good word. Between the two of us our stress levels were through the roof, though Myke likes to think he was a cool cucumber. He was a bit more collected than me, but that's only because I have terrible stress management skills. December 17th of 2010 was the first day he turned to me and said, "You don't have to stay. You didn't pick this."

It wasn't the last.

MS is a brutal disease. All diseases are brutal, really, but I guess since MS is so close to me it feels so much more monstrous. We have so many ways to describe it to people and ourselves, it's ridiculous. The fact is that something triggered his body into believing that the coating on his nerves is an invader and needs to be destroyed. Imagine slowly whittling away the plastic casing on the wire to plug your television in. How long do you suppose it will keep turning on correctly?

That's how Myke's body works. In the past two years he's gone from Batman—and occasionally keeps thinking he is—to being so frustrated from his inability to perform simple tasks that he barely gets dressed anymore. Pajamas are easier than fumbling with buttons and tiring oneself out putting jeans on. His mental function has even decreased. He attempted to take a remedial English class, and found himself at a complete disadvantage. It almost broke my heart when he said, "I feel like an idiot." 

Tiredness, pain, and loss of function are the three major effects of MS. And boy, do they suck.